VELCRO IS EVIL

In my English class at school, we have to write a persuasive essay about our blogs. My blog is about shoelaces. What is the number 1 competitor of shoelaces besides sandals? VELCRO!

Velcro is the most evil invention of all time. I can think of 10 reasons why it is worse than shoelaces.

1. Velcro looks ugly.

2. Velcro can scratch your skin.

3. People who wear Velcro have less friends.

4. Velcro makes a loud sound when it is opened.

5. Velcro lasts for a shorter amount of time.

6. Velcro doesn't have any way to improve your style.

7. Velcro isn't available easily in different colors and designs.

8. There is only one way to use Velcro.

9. Velcro has 6 letters in it and you use it on two shoes and 6 divided by 2 is 3. 3 times 6 is 666 so Velcro is Satan.

10. etc.

I can think of 10 reasons why shoelaces are better than Velcro.

1. Shoelaces look awesome.

2. Shoelaces are soft against your skin.

3. People who wear shoelaces have more friends.

4. Shoelaces are tied completely silently.

5. Shoelaces last for a longer amount of time.

6. Shoelaces can improve your style and outfit.

7. Shoelaces are available in different colors and designs.

8. Shoelaces can be tied in numerous different ways.

9. Shoelaces themselves are useful in other ways because they can be used as a rope, or handcuffs, or even a bracelet.

10. etc.

Shoelaces are better than Velcro.

This is an example of a common Velcro shoe. It is very very very ugly and is not pulchritudinous at all. Shoes that look like this and don't have shoelaces should be burned in a mass bonfire. I am organizing a mass burning of Velcro shoes for the DFW metropolis in Uzbekistan. 

The History of the Shoelace

The history of shoelaces goes hand in hand with the historical record of shoes. Shoelaces have always been required to secure the shoe to the foot. Archaeological records provide examples of ways shoes were fastened to the foot. Simple pieces of leather were bound to the foot and ankle with laces and were used in 2000 B.C. during ancient Mesopotamian times. Ancient Greeks wore sandals with rawhide lacing. Roman soldiers popularized the use of shoes and the shoelaces in Western Europe. 

Traditional shoelaces were made of leather, cotton, jute, hemp, or other materials used in the manufacture of rope. Modern shoelaces often use many synthetic fibers, which are generally more slippery and more prone to coming untied than those made from usual fibers. 

Shoelaces, as we know them today, did not become widely popular until the 20th century. Before this point, shoes were fastened with buttons or buckled. In the Museum of London, there is an example of medieval footwear from the 12th century. This historical document shows a shoe with lacing down the front and side of the shoe through a series of hooks. Some historical records suggest that the shoestring was first invented in England on March 27, 1790.

Ancient Shoelaces

Shoelace Accessories

Shoelace Accessories

Today I would like to talk about shoelace accessories. No one can deny that sometimes shoelaces are annoying or boring. These useful shoelace accessories are necessary for everyone, every style, and ever shoe.

First up are the new revolutionary new shoelaces by Xtenex.

These new accufit laces:

1. Aid in reducing painful footwear binding and foot fatigue caused by lace migration and natural foot swelling.

2. Provide ergonomic lace expansion to relieve pressure from natural foot swelling and aids healthy blood circulation to your feet.

3. Provide your feet with all-day active fit, support and comfort; compression elasticity provides fast recovery of footwear support systems while enhancing all-day performance and comfort. Pull footwear on, slip footwear off.

Next up are the Zubits. These new "magnetic shoelaces" eradicate the need to tie shoes. A couple of the benefits:

1. Shoes off Hands-Free: With Zubits closures, stepping out of your shoes is quick, easy, and the right way to do it.  As you pull your foot up the magnets split open leaving your shoes wide open to slip into next time.

2. No Loose Laces: With Zubits closures there are no laces to come undone, double knot, trip over, untie or get stuck in bike chains.

I recommend using these products in real life.

FUNNY SHOELACE STORIES

We have all had our own good and bad experiences with shoelaces. Having them tied together, tripping on them in public, getting a good reputation with fancy shoelaces, etc. Even I have had my fair share. Today I searched for the best and funniest shoelace stories from all over. These stories made me laugh so hard my stomach hurt, they were knee-slapping, rib-tickling, and foot-stomping. No, I did not steal that from a Dicky's Cup. Now for some great stories:

Funny Stories

1.  A burglar in the UK was caught due to his shoelace:

"A prolific burglar was finally jailed after he was given away by his sweaty feet."

"David Wilks, 33, left a small piece of shoelace at a crime scene and police sent it away to be DNA tested."

"A court heard sweat from Wilks's feet had seeped into the shoelace and police were able to get his DNA profile."

2. A cop was seen tying an elderly man's shoe in Canada

"It was only after getting a bit closer that he realized the officer was not searching the elderly man – whom Cassidy described as having a cane and a breathing apparatus that ran through his nose – but instead tying his shoe."

3. At a football game in the USA, two players reportedly got in a fight because one kept untying the other's shoelaces.
"Brock said the Packers offensive lineman untied Suh's shoes three times during the game."

Myself, I have once gotten tied to my desk with my shoelaces during an extra credit assignment at school. We were watching a movie and without me noticing I became tied to my desk and after the movie I couldn't leave for 10 minutes because I couldn't reach the laces. Eventually I paid someone $3 to untie me so I could go to the bathroom.

Comment your own funny stories from wherever you are. I want to read your interesting stories.

It's all about that lace

"It's all about that lace, no Velcro," we all know the infamous words to that great song parody of Meghan Trainor by Blockbusterguy7. Sang by Emma and written by Austin, this song brings back memories of that creative time period during our 4th grade lives. I am sure we can all relate to this young, future pop star. I personally remember writing a parody to the Power Rangers theme song. In all seriousness, this video is 100% truthful; it really is all about that lace. Shoes are made or broken by their shoelaces.

Everyone knows the generic lace-up method that shoes come pre-designed with. If your shoes still have that lace-up than your life is not spicy enough. You need to take risks and show off your personality. Each lace-up method has a different voice and based on which design you are wearing, people will instantly know the most important aspects about you. They will be able to tell if you are any good at tying shoes, if you have any artistic capability whatsoever, if you are cool and rad, or if you are lame and mainstream. I believe that this quote explains the generic lace-up best, 

"Basic"

-Generic popular kid

Don't be that one unique kid, who follows everyone else's lace style. Be yourself. I don't know about your high school, but in my town, your popularity is ranked based upon how well your lace style matches your personality and overall awesome-ness. I haven't even gotten started on color yet, but if you master this first lesson in shoelace style then your friend circle will go from, 

"0 to 100 real quick"

-Drake

My personal favorite characteristic about shoelaces, is all the colors to choose from. Color. What is color? C-Mills defines color as "Listen up, you ignorant ********...there's no right or wrong way to spell it. It was originally "colour", but early Americans decided that the "u" was unnecessary, so they changed it to "color". What's so wrong about that...they thought it made a lot of sense. And what's wrong with the original spelling...obviously that's the way the Brits liked it! I can't believe some of the postings on here...with the Brits calling us "lazy" and "stupid" for changing the spelling of a word, and with us calling them ridiculous because their version has an "extra letter"...for Pete's sake, it's a WORD. Language evolves over time, so deal with it and stop bitching about insignificant things, like everyday language. There's much more important stuff going on out there...

"Color" or "colour"...it's the same word either way." Now I don't agree exactly with C-Mills but a dictionary is a dictionary. Now, different color schemes for your shoes. Basically you can do whatever you want with colors but make sure that it follows the 4 simple rules of CAKE.   1. Color everything you possibly can, every lace, aglet, and open space.                                                                                                 2. Apply the primary colors as well as secondary colors.                         3. Kepler                                                                                           4. Every duck doesn't not wear no pants.

You are now ready to begin your journey into experimenting with color. Remember to use the Scientific Method, defined by Newton who used principles from Descartes and Bacon. Please send in pictures of your personal styles and colors. Let me know if any of y'all make some new friends or gain popularity because of these tips.

Here you can see the most popular kids, in their shoe council, comparing notes about new designs

The amazing invention on the end of a string - The Aglet

A blog about shoelaces...

Doesn't seem very exciting, does it? Well I've got news for you buddy, this is going to be the most awesome blog you've ever seen. I will be updating with pictures and videos every day and blog posts twice a week. Some posts will be about parts of the shoelaces, my personal experiences with shoelaces, shoelace jokes, and maybe different types of shoelaces. 

 Today's post will be about aglets, one part of the shoelace.

AGLETS

Aglets are the plastic tip on the end of a shoe. They are useful for a number of reasons: they keep shoelaces from unraveling, they allow for more easy tying of shoes, and they provide a colorful and aesthetic appeal. The minute you lose an aglet, your shoelace is toast. 

 I remember in 5th grade, I had a pair of shoes that were just my favorite. Once, after a rainy day, I noticed that the aglet had come off, but I didn’t care because they were my favorite shoes in the world. For the next week, I noticed that my laces were coming undone more and more frequently. Until eventually, the entire shoelace just came undone and frayed. It had come apart into about 20 different strings and I had no way of fixing it. Tape, rubber bands, even glue had no effect. I eventually had to buy another pair of shoelaces, but that’s a story for another day. 

 The easiest way to replace an aglet is to just replace the whole shoelace, but that's not the only option you have. You could take it into a shoe store and they'll probably do it for free or minimum cost. And the last option is to do it yourself. Many high-end shoes come with extra aglets in the box and a little instruction booklet to tell you how to do it. If your shoes don't come with extra aglets, then it's probably not worth replacing. But if you must absolutely replace it, you can buy packs of multiple aglets on amazon and maybe some shoe stores. They all come with booklets and information.